“And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.”
Hebrews 13:12-14
When I was in college, I read The Long Loneliness: An Autobiography of the Legendary Catholic Social Activist Dorothy Day. Day was an American journalist and social activist who was raised in a non-religious home, yet was always drawn to God. She became a Catholic in her adult years, but did not abandon her desire for social justice, and became the co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement.
The title of Day’s autobiography comes from these words by the English nun Mary Ward (1585-1645): “the long loneliness you hear me speak of is not far from me….”
A theme throughout Day’s book is that, despite being involved and active in her community, and despite having a partner and a daughter, during life’s various transitions, loneliness was a common emotion she experienced.
Loneliness is found throughout the Bible. Starting in Genesis, after the creation of Adam, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) God created woman out of Adam’s rib, so that he could have a partner and helpmate to share life with.
God created humans to be in community with one another. Acts 2:42-47 said this about members of the early Church, “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”
There are times we experience loneliness because we are temporarily physically isolated from others. Then there are times when we experience loneliness despite being surrounded by people. Robin Williams once said, “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”
I have experienced loneliness many times throughout my life, but two significant instances come to mind. I was in a serious relationship a few years prior to meeting my husband. Most of my social life revolved around the friendships we had as a couple. I made the decision to end our relationship after several years, as I was gradually growing in my faith, and he was not in the same place spiritually as I was. I experienced seclusion in the time that followed as I adjusted to being just me again, but I was committed to attending church alone as I grew in my relationship with Christ.
During the weeks leading up to my son’s birth and during the weeks that followed, I experienced a solitude I had never felt before. Even though my husband and mother helped tremendously, and friends and family came to visit, I spent most of my days and nights in isolation with a brand-new baby, abandoning my comfort, my needs, and my desires to meet his. In her autobiography, observing her own adult daughter with her infant, Dorothy Day reflected about “how alone a mother of young children always is.”
Since the birth of our son, we have been grateful to cultivate many friendships and relationships through our community, through our son’s school and extra curriculars, and through church. But there are seasons when we still feel lonely despite these connections.
For those of us who are Christ-seekers and Christ-followers, I have observed that seasons of loneliness often occur before times of transition. Right before experiencing a breakthrough, God will often lead us down solitary and quiet paths. If we are meant for Christian community, why do God’s people often experience loneliness, even when surrounded by family and friends?
Sometimes, loneliness is necessary for our protection. In Genesis, God decided to destroy mankind because He “…saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time.” (Genesis 6:5.) Only Noah was found righteous and blameless. The Lord instructed Noah to build an ark so that he and his family could remain safe during the flood. I can only imagine the loneliness that Noah and his family felt, knowing the rest of the world had perished. The Lord isolated Noah and his family to separate them from the wickedness of others.
Sometimes, loneliness occurs because of our spiritual position. David, often referred to as a man “after God’s heart,” experienced isolation and betrayal throughout his life, despite his many achievements. The same boy brave enough to stand before a giant and defeat Goliath, the same man anointed by Samuel to become King of Israel after Saul, often wrote about the loneliness he experienced in the Book of Psalms. David asked God to, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” in Psalm 25:16.
Sometimes, we are called to loneliness to uproot us from hopeless places and into a promised land. In Ruth 1:14-16, we read, “At this they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her. “Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.” But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” After losing their male family members, Ruth and Naomi faced the uncertainty of starting over. But Ruth trusted God and willingly left all that she once knew behind. She traveled from her homeland of Moab to move to Bethlehem, a place unknown to her, yet somehow full of promise and hope.
Sometimes, we are called to loneliness as we leave behind the things we once clung to in this world, all to follow Jesus. In Luke 18:28-30 we read, “Peter said to Jesus, ‘We have left all we had to follow you!’ ‘I tell you the truth,’ Jesus said to them, ‘no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life.’”
“Remember this: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.” – Douglas Coupland
Isolation is necessary for spiritual growth. Removing oneself from the chaos and noise of the world is often the only way we can hear God’s voice. “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray,” (Luke 5:16) because in solitude, without distractions, Christ could discern the Will of God.
As much as we are called to be in community with one another, our dependence upon and need for other people must be secondary to seeking God and trusting in Him. Proverbs 3:6 says, “In all your ways, submit to God, and He will make your paths straight.” Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Hebrews 13:12-14 reads, “And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.”
Even as Christians, there will be times when we desire the recognition and sense of belonging the world offers. As human beings, we long to fit in and we yearn to be seen. Hebrews 13:12-14 reminds us that, as believers, what our hearts are ultimately searching for is not found in this world. What we seek is “outside the camp.” A Heaven that is to come, a Heaven that can only be reached by walking the lonely and narrow path.
Seasons of loneliness may be necessary for spiritual growth, but the Lord no less recognizes the pain and grief we experience during these periods of isolation. God promises that He is “close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) We have assurance that God will carry us through the emotions of loneliness as we keep growing ever closer to Him.