“Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.” – John Scardina
A well-known Scripture often used as an encouragement to parents is Proverbs 22:6, which says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” It is implied that if we guide and lead our children correctly, then our children will be well-prepared for life when they become adults.
It was not until recently, through further research of this particular Proverb, that I learned this verse is often misused from its original context.
King Solomon, considered to be the wisest man who lived, wrote the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. The Book of Proverbs offers wisdom and insight for those who love and fear the Lord, so that they can live peaceful and noble lives.
The original language of Proverbs 22:6 is Hebrew, and contains an idiom that is difficult to translate into English. The verse literally says, “Dedicate a child in the way of his mouth and when he is old he will not turn aside from it.” Essentially, Solomon is saying, “Train up a child according to his own will and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Another way to view the verse might be, “An adult will not depart from their childish ways if they are always given their way as a child.” In this light, we see that Proverbs 22:6 is a warning to parents, not necessarily a verse of encouragement.
Parenting is like many other disciplines in life. If we put in the difficult and messy work now, even if it is inconvenient and discouraging at times, we can reap the benefits down the road. We must be ever mindful that we are raising future adults; future adults who will one day face the realities of this world without us being able to hold their hand through it.
I would venture to say the human nature of children does not change over time; it is the environment and parenting styles that change, which affect the behavior and attitudes of the current generation.
As published by the Department of Health and Human Services, a study conducted by the Health Resources and Services Administration found that between 2016 and 2020, the number of children aged 3-17 years diagnosed with anxiety grew by 29 percent, and those with depression grew by 27 percent. From 2019 to 2020, researchers found a 21 percent increase in children with behavior or conduct problems. The proportion with unmet health care needs grew by 32 percent. Children’s physical activity decreased by 18 percent between 2016 and 2020.
And the majority of this data was collected prior to the Covid-19 pandemic.
The world can offer many suggestions and solutions to counter the grim outlook of these statistics. We need more resources, like psychologists and counselors, in school buildings. We need more educators to combat large class sizes and provide more individualized attention to students. We need more health care providers who specialize in childhood behaviors and psychology.
And I would not argue with any of these recommendations.
But as a mother, as a former educator, as someone who still volunteers with youth and children, and most importantly, as a daughter of the Most High, I see a deeper spiritual concern in these statistics.
I became a born-again Christian in my late twenties. Prior to this, even though I believed in God, I had not fully surrendered my life to Him. In Luke 9:23, Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
To be a follower of Christ, we must die to ourselves – our selfishness, our sinful ways, our wicked inclinations, even our own plans – and submit ourselves to our Savior. Our perfect Savior who knows the best paths for us. Until this point of surrender, we are living in accordance with our own will, not the Will of our Father in Heaven.
In a sense, we become our own gods.
Confession: I made a lousy god in my twenties. While parts of my life during those years were filled with fond memories and moments, there were equally many painful and sorrowful ones.
A mess of my own making.
I did not know true joy until I surrendered my life to Jesus. When I finally let the Creator of the universe take the wheel instead of just riding beside me in the passenger seat, the road became a lot smoother.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9.)
As parents, our intentions may be loving and well-meaning. But in our quest to keep our children happy, in our desire for them to never face difficult obstacles, in our eagerness to affirm their requested worldly identities, in our unwillingness to correct negative behaviors or actions because of the uncomfortable moments that may result, we are creating little gods.
Why are childhood behavior issues and mental health issues increasing when we are giving our children everything they want?
Because likewise, children make lousy gods.
Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
The apostle Paul said, “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)
We were not designed to carry the burden of being God.
“Jesus says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9.) The “weakness” referred to represents humility and the relinquishment of our flawed and selfish ways, so that God can shine forth and be present in our lives.
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. But a small step we can take for the sake of our children is to point them to God, in all situations and in all circumstances.
Parents want their children to be happy. Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Parents desire their children to never face difficult obstacles. But Psalm 18:32 says, “It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”
Parents are eager to affirm their child’s requested worldly identity. But Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” 1 Peter 2:9 states, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”
It is often challenging for parents to correct or redirect their children because of uncomfortable moments that may result. But Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.”
Parents, we do not have to do this alone. The staff and volunteers at our church love our children and are available to provide guidance and resources. The Bible is full of wisdom and encouragement for navigating parenthood. The act of intentional and consistent prayer can bring revelation and peace as we raise our children, even if prayers are not answered overnight.
The road that lies ahead will not conform to our children. But we can begin preparing our children now to be best equipped for the journey. “My child, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.” (Proverbs 3:21-23)